Wellbeing with AJ

My two best friends broke up today after over a year of being together. Confession, I think I cried more than them as they were super mature about it and still want to be friends.

However, it got me thinking about breakups, particularly teenage breakups and how much of an effect they have on us when most of the time, after a few months or even weeks, you’re better than ever.

So here are my top tips of how to cope with the first few days or weeks of a breakup.

1) Know that your feelings are valid.

Whatever you’re feeling whether its anger, sadness, loneliness or so many other things you may feel after a breakup, it’s valid. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, breakups hit hard for most people and often, particularly for women, it’s said we shouldn’t be so dramatic and should move on. However, different people take different amounts of time to process and cope with situations like these, everyone is individual.

2) There’s no rush.

When my first boyfriend broke up with me, over text might I add, I was in such a rush to get into a new relationship or even just to kiss someone else and make myself feel better. However this majorly backfired as I ended up getting into conflicts of people calling me a slut, a whore and so many other nasty things.

And don’t get me wrong, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting with someone else soon after a breakup, all it did for me was make it 100x worse! Also at this time I was 15, there was absolutely no need for me to have a boyfriend and if anything, I should have spent that time working on myself and revising for my exams. However at the time, all I could think about was what that boy had done to me and how I needed to get over him and find a new boyfriend.

Especially in your teenage years but even into your adult years, you have time, you have time to have more experiences and live your life slowly. The right person will find a way to you whether soon after a breakup or years later.

3) Know the world will not end.

I know it may feel like the world is crumbling around you right after a breakup but I promise you, it’s not. Your life will keep going, you’re still living and so are those who really care around you.

In fact, you need to get out and do things, go enjoy yourself and experience things, take your mind off the bad and focus on the good. While it’s healthy to reflect, always reflecting, particular;y after a breakup when it may be negative reflection, it’s also healthy to stop thinking for a bit and go have some fun.

After my first breakup, a couple of days later, I went to Thorpe park with some of my best friends and I cannot explain how much better I felt afterwards.

4) Don’t go through it alone.

Although it may feel as though all you want to do is lie in bed and wallow in self pity, that is possibly the worst thing you could do for yourself.

Go out, see friends, see family, get your life back on track because you have to make those moves, it’s up to you to help yourself feel better.

These are just a few of my tips from my own experiences, I wish you all the best if you are going through something like this and I hope this has helped you even just a bit.

Thank you for reading

Well being with AJ

My story of anxiety
Incl tips and tricks to help

A lot of things have made me nervous over the years. Since I was very young I have struggled with general anxiety disorder which affected many of my childhood experiences.

One of the things that used to make me the most nervous was travel. I found it particularly difficult to sleep at night as my parents were shift workers and sometimes had to wake up as early as 5am. If they weren’t in bed by 9 o’clock, 8 year old me would potter downstairs and tell them that even if they went to sleep at this second, they wouldn’t get the required amount of sleep to function healthily! Little did I realised, I wasn’t getting enough sleep for a young child because of this anxiety.

As I got older, me and my parents tried many different tactics to ease my anxiety like worry dolls, a tent like canopy over my bed so I wasn’t always looking around, a device in the shape of a tree stump in which I would put the palm of my hand on and the fairy’s would take my worries away (that one was my favourite) and a worry monster. All of these worked for short periods, particularly when I was younger and found comfort in toys, however nothing seemed to fully shake my anxiety.

As I grew up more and began secondary school, the anxiety worsened, being in a new, unfamiliar space was a lot for my brain to cope with, especially at a grammar school where the standards were higher than I had expected. Throughout my time at secondary school, my anxiety often showed in my grades as I had decided it was better to not try and not do very well or fail, then try and disappoint myself by having a bad outcome, this I have now realised, was probably not the best approach.

I started seeing a councillor for the first time when I was in my first year of secondary school at just 11 years old, turns out, she was not what we had in mind (that’s a whole other story). So then, during COVID when I was in year 9, I began seeing another councillor by the name of Mandy and safe to say she was my guardian angel. She made me realise so much about myself and how my brain worked as well as the world around me, teaching me incredible and helpful ways to cope with my anxiety. I have included my favourites at the end of this entry in diagrams and descriptions.

However, possibly the worst part is about this first blog entry is I don’t really have a resolution to these anecdotes, I just had to cope for a large portion of my life, which in hindsight, was a lot harder than I realised at the time. Despite the support from those around me, it was eventually down to me to deal with my anxieties as I realised I needed to start being more independent in my life; although at this moment in time it may feel like that’s not possible, I promise it will be.

My anxiety ended up being a part of a cumulative effect which eventually led to a diagnosis of depression a few years later. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms I urge you to seek a diagnosis, I know it may take a while, but even after a while, getting a diagnosis is better than not.

Whatever you’re going through, I believe in you.

Wellbeing with AJ ❤

Square breathing is one of my favourite techniques as it is practical, in the sense that you can do it anywhere are also has an element of touch, but it is also one of the most helpful breathing techniques I’ve found. Wether you’re crying and can’t stop, having a panic attack of even just been on a run, square breathing is a useful technique to have in your toolbox.

This is one of my favourite methods for calming down during a panic attack. You can do this by yourself or with a trusted friend or family member to give you the prompts, I find having this screenshot on my phone helpful for me and others as I can always have it handy if I can’t remember or someone else needs it.

Breakups 06/05/2024

Anxiety through the years 22/04/2024